I leave tonight to travel for three months solo.
I’ve always dreamt of going traveling and was hoping to go after college, I even had a huge world map covering one of my bedroom walls for inspiration!
But PTSD took such a hold on me that my plans faded into the background. Instead I finished my A-Levels then got a full time job and have been working ever since. I’ve been getting better everyday with a few bumps in the road and It’s been a slow process but now I feel mostly secure in myself.
Around 7 weeks ago I was sick of my job and was looking for a change when my boyfriend suggested that, since I had some savings and was planning on moving on from my current employer, it was the perfect opportunity to fulfil my dream of travelling.
After umming and ahhhing a bit I decided he was right and booked my trip that weekend and resigned a week later!
Now the big day is here… I can’t lie, I’m terrified. I’ve been waking up in the middle of the night with my heart pounding for the past few days. Knowing I will be leaving alone has given me masses of anxiety which I’m hoping will go away before I get on the plane!
My biggest worry is that derealisation will come on strong or I’ll get too anxious and have a breakdown in the middle of Asia by myself…
I also worry that I might see something else traumatic which will trigger a relapse. And who will I turn to for help?
Having said that I have a little buzz of excitement inside me because I secretly hope I’ll find some peace in myself over the next three months. I hope it will be a great experience which will teach me a lot about myself and I’ll return even more independent and stronger with amazing stories to tell!
For my trip I will be flying out to the Maldives for the first three weeks working as a volunteer in a turtle sanctuary.
Then I’ll fly to Bangkok and make my way down Thailand, Malaysia and Singapore before flying to Indonesia!
I’ll be blogging about how my illness will affect everyday activities differently than it would for a ‘normal person’ so I can give an insight to how life can change in so many ways because of mental illness.
Pictures and blog posts to come! Please give me a follow for more